Welcome to the ostium network
She is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. My viewing of so many people is but young, and my comparisons are considerably limited. Nevertheless, I have lived thirteen long revolutions of the moons on Albion and seen much, be they animal, plant or mineral. And now am playing viewer to many different kinds of people all packed together in one pulsing place. But this girl is . . . Special. Unto her own. Like no other. Her skin a darker brown than mine. Her eyes sparkling from afar. Could it be possible they contained glints of gold? I have never seen this before, and know not whether it might be. But I have dreamed. I believe. Her hair is long and lustrous, like a curling dark river at night that shines under the twin moonlight. Her hair falls over one shoulder and meanders down her chest, accentuated here and there with flower ties . . . Primroses no doubt. She is taller than I. Thinner. Long legs. Long hands. Long fingers. Everything about her seems . . . riverine.
And I wish to bathe in her waters . . .
[Break]
Now where on Albion did that thought come from? I feel warmth quickly spreading through me; from head to hip to toe and back. It is the warmth of embarrassment I realize; for the thought I have just had. But why? It is not indecent. A private thought perhaps. Such as touching one’s parts to stimulate and pleasure oneself. Clýstra has talked to me of this before when I was younger. That I was to explore and revel in my body, but to do so in private.
Yes. The warmth I am feeling now is one akin to the other warmth I have felt before. In private.
The girl has no taken her eyes from me. They continue to burn into my core, almost beckoning me.
She appears close to me in age, and I wish so much to talk with her.
I turn to Clýstra, getting her attention.
CLYSTRA: What is it dear?
THYRA: I wish to walk a little around the square. I see a girl I wish to talk with. To learn more of Sinat and its people.
Clýstra casts her gaze around the market and sees the girl who is no longer eying me in the same way. She is now turned towards a stall, studying its wares, but continues to occasionally cast a furtive glance in my direction.
CLYSTRA: Are you no longer frightened? Do you feel confident in yourself in doing this?
THYRA: Yes. And this girl will know of the town and its way. She can help me.
CLYSTRA: Very well, dear Thýra. Remember: I shall remain in this square throughout the day. We will meet for dinner. Understood?
THYRA: Yes. Thank you, Clýstra.
CLYSTRA: You are welcome. Go along now and have fun. Celebrate the coming of May day!
I can’t help laughing as I skip away and towards the girl who is now studying me once again.
[Break]
As I cross the market square, I grow nervous for the first time. Bees in my tummy, as Clýstra refers to it. I lose confidence in myself.
What am I going to say to her?
Does she wish to talk?
Do we speak the same language?
The bees are now buzzing furiously inside me. Clýstra has told me before of the many languages spoken throughout Albion. Right now all I am trying to remember is whether I understood the conversation she had been having with the ladies in the market.
But my mind is a complete blank; wiped clean due to my focus on this beautiful girl.
I feel stirrings within me that find new and very exciting.
As I draw closer, she realizes I am coming to her. She turns and skips away from the market.
What is going on?
What is she thinking?
Has she changed her mind?
Did she not think I would come to her?
Or is she perhaps leading me somewhere? Somewhere away from the market? Somewhere possibly . . . Private?
I start to wonder if any people nearby might be able to hear my nervous bees.
I make the decision and chase after her. As I move away from the crowds, the sounds change from a noisy market place to a strong breeze shaking the leaves and the many trees. The sounds of the birds and . . . is that actual bees? Yes! I can see the hanging hive.
Then I catch sight of the girl. Her blue dress swooping in the breeze, like a bird’s wing, revealing her long brown legs.
She disappears behind a wide-trunked mighty oak. I do not think I have ever seen such a large tree.
I stop, listening to hear where she is going, but there are no sounds; just the chorus of nature around me.
I begin walking again and step around the tree . . . And there she is, waiting for me, with that vibrant smile on her face.
I stop in my tracks and am rendered speechless.
The silence begins, then stretches between us like a great bird extending its wings . . . Then she speaks in a strong, confident, but sweet voice.
MÆVE: You’re a stranger here, are you not?
THÝRA: That I am. How can you tell? My accent? The way I look?
Her smile changes, becoming something more exciting. That special warm feeling is back, spreading throughout my chest.
MÆVE: Nay. Tis something far more simple than that. I’ve lived here my entire life and have grown with all the children of Sinat. I have also spent much time with its people and in its streets and know well of the many different faces. The Circé you came with I think I have seen before . . .
THÝRA
[excited]
: You know of the Circé?
MÆVE: A little. Just some stories. Long ago when I was small, I believe I saw her face here in Sinat. I’m very good at remembering faces.
Her eyes are locked on mine now. They are flecked with gold, as I thought.
THÝRA: And mine?
MÆVE [Giggle]: No. Your face I haven’t seen before. And I would remember your face. I’m Mæve by the way.
That smile has now made the warmth inside me blossom into a wild fire. I have no idea what is going on.
THÝRA
[awkwardly]
: Oh, my name is Thýra.
MÆVE: What do you think of the town decorations?
THÝRA: They are lovely! Wonderful! I have never seen anything quite like it.
I do not know what I am saying. The words come out, but none are actually summoned from my mind.
MÆVE: Good. I’m glad you like them. It’s my favorite holiday of the year.
THÝRA [Overly excited]: Really?
MÆVE: Well, that’s not completely true. If I am to be completely honest – and you make me want to be so – I’d have to say along with Samhain. They’re my two favorite holidays.
THÝRA: And what would two girls like us do on either of these holidays?
Again, the words are summoned from somewhere I know not. I would prefer my mouth remain closed; my vocal chords still, but then Mæve would think me strange, or lacking something in my being. The words came unbidden, and I suppose for that I am thankful.
She shows me a new smile, a more complicated one.
That smile makes me want things from Mæve. I feel those lips wishing to be kissed. I have never had these feelings before. They seem to be coming from another form; someone not me. But I also know they feel so foreign because they are my true, deep, core desires. Desires I have apparently not felt before, and not given in to fully. Whether I will do so on this day remains to be seen, for I know not if Mæve shares any of these feelings.
It feels like an eternity since I asked her that foolish question, but in reality it cannot be more than a few seconds.
MÆVE: Have no fear, my dear Thýra, there is plenty of mischief we can be getting up to. But let’s first get something to eat and drink, and then we’ll have ourselves a picnic by the river’s edge. How does that sound?
THÝRA: Wonderful! I am famished. Please take me to all the food!
We skip back to the market, laughing with each other as if we are friends of many years.
[Break]
Some time later it feels as if I am in a dream, one that has come true. We sit on the bank of the river, our sandals cast aside, our feet swirling in the cool running waters. Mæve is well known and very well liked in Sinat. But then, given her beauty, this should come as no surprise to me. Payment or trade was not required for any of the items she acquired. The selection of tasty looking foods was astonishing. Some I had tried before, some were new to me. Whenever Mæve had looked to me with her incredible eyes, questioning whether it was a food I desired, I immediately nodded, unable to say no to her.
There are cheeses of many kinds. A number of different breads. Cured meats that make my mouth water. Various fruits. And some delicious looking cakes.
We begin eating. I am starving, and once I see Mæve tucking into the foods with no shame, I soon join her.
[Short break]
A short while later, our hungers somewhat satiated, I ask the question I made earlier.
THÝRA: You said you knew of the Circé. Please tell me what you know.
MÆVE: Ahh, but first I need to ask you a question. I know Clýstra is a sorceress. Are you just a servant girl to her or are you learning the ways of the Circé?
A feel hot anger suffuse my body. How dare she call me a servant girl! Then I feel my anger cool, shocked at my unhinged feelings for this girl I am growing so fond for. Mæve appears to read my mind, comprehending the emotions my body is emitting.
MÆVE: Good. That’s what I thought. I had to be certain. If you weren’t full of fire and passion for the Circé, our friendship would be over. Now, let me tell you what I know. Because, like you, I too am in training to become one of the hallowed sorceresses.
As a sorceress of the Circé, life is a constant struggle of balance and guilt. Balance for all things must come about for there to be harmony; if they do not, there is discord, which must be rectified, or the discord will become worse and more severe, and will lead to some very bad things. It is the job and role of the Circé to do their best to prevent this from happening, and if it has already occurred, to rectify it to the best and nimblest of their ability.
Taking a life creates instant disharmony, no matter if you are a person grown of many years, or a child a few. This is why the teaching of the ways of the Circé are so pivotal.
When I took a human life, I was in the years of the teen, well along in my teachings, and knew the great disharmony it would cause. I could say that I was not at fault. Not to blame. But I used magic. And it killed someone.
I am a sorceress of the Circé and will accept my consequences.
[Break]
As I grew in years, in both body and mind, as well as ability with magic, Clýstra began showing me more of the world of Albion. Sometimes this would require much travel to far destinations. We would prepare sacks of supplies with food and clothes and whatever else we deemed necessary for the journey, and then walk. I was never fully aware of how remote and isolated Clýstra kept her home and her life. This was the only world I truly knew; my memories of my first years grew hazy and vague in my memories; this included what my parents looked like. So when Clýstra began her teachings of the outside world and other locations in Albion, where there were towns and people with life and activity, because I had never physically seen this reality for myself, I questioned its truth. My world consisted of Clýstra and myself and all the animals. The concept that there could be not just many other people, but hundreds congregated in one area in a collection of residences was inconceivable to me.
It was a long journey. After the second day, I began to question Clýstra’s choices and decisions, and perhaps even her sanity. It felt like we were completely lost and would perhaps be stuck out in this wilderness forever. And in a most miraculously way – so it seemed to me – the trees began to lessen until they were sparse, and a lush blue grass made itself known. There was a breeze that caused a sound from the many waving blades. I stopped, wondering what I was hearing. Clýstra kept going, having seen nothing, then she noticed my absence.
CLYSTRA: Tis just the wind running through the grass, dear.
I remained still; the answer not enough for me.
Eventually we continued on, but I stayed close to Clýstra for some time.
[Break]
It was a number of years ago that Clýstra had a conversation with me in which she sounded nervous and uncertain. I had not before, nor have ever since, heard her in this disposition. I honestly do not know why she was the least bit worried about me or having the talk about the “flowers of love” (an expression I did not learn until later). I had seen the cows, the dogs, the pigs, the geese . . . I’m almost certain I’ve paid witness to every animal copulating with the other gender of its species, and even a number with the same gender. So when I realized that this was the subject about which Clýstra wished to “educate” me about today, I kept my laughs and reactions enveloped inside as much as I could. My protective walls collapsed after less than five minutes.
The look on Clýstra’s face as I was guffawing at her was completely worth it.
I remained silent and by my look alone, she was able to understand why I was laughing at her.
She abruptly stood up and began preparing dinner, acting all huffy. But there was a small smile on her face.
She had little to teach me in this matter, so far as what I was paying witness to.
I know not why I choose to tell this short tale in this instant, but know of no other place for it to go, so here it be.
[Break]
The trees part like opening arms and there before us is the town of Sinat. There is no sign proclaiming this anywhere, so Clýstra has told me. I take her word for it, not knowing whether it to be true or not. She could be lying to me, for all I know, but she would have no reason to . . . At least I believe this to be so. This all feels very new and strange. I am completely out of my element; the little world of the familiar is no more.
I remain close to Clýstra.
The town is abustle. I have never seen so many people in one place. It is . . . Unnerving. I glomm on to Clýstra, at times closing my eyes. It is noisy and dusty. I am . . . Scared. Very scared. Clýstra knows this. And lets me be.
I feel they are all looking at me. Staring at me. Judging me. Because I don’t belong. Because I am a . . . Stranger. But would they not be shouting at me if that were truly the case? Or staring at me in silence? But they are not. They are walking and talking and doing their everyday things. So . . . My presence is not in question. Therefore I am . . . Okay? Safe?
I force my eyes open and keep them that way. Then I get something in my eye and have to blink. But I’m watching now, taking it all in. The details. The sights. The life of the town.
It is . . . Alive.
Everyone is going somewhere. Somewhere important. They have a job to do. A quest. And they are all . . . Happy. Joyous. Big smiles on everyone’s faces. Something important is occurring.
There are flowers . . . Everywhere! A garland hanging from every door. Primroses! Hundreds of them. Thousands of them. Who grew all these flowers? A lot of work went into this.
THYRA: What is going on here?
She stops and moves us to the side of the street.
CLYSTRA: What do you see?
THYRA: I see people going places. I see flowers! Lots and lots of flowers. Primroses! Primroses? Yes?
CLYSTRA: Yes.
THYRA: It means . . . It means something . . . Special. A festival perhaps?
CLYSTRA: Very good. And how do you know about those? For we have never attended one.
THYRA: You have told me about them. And I have read about them.
CLYSTRA: Good. That is good applied learning. And what do you think this festival might be?
THYRA: I see lots of happy people. I see lots of animals. Many cows. Lots and lots of cows. And we are coming towards the end of spring. It is getting warmer. Could it be something to do with summer?
CLYSTRA: Excellent! Tomorrow is Mayday. Considered the first day of summer. A celebration of the warming sun in the sky. A call for those looking to work, to tend the fields. To get the crops seeded and ready for growth and life. To move the cattle herds to new pastures. Booleying as it is so called. Traditionally women will do it in groups. Young women. Girls also. As a sign of fertility and readiness for the next stages of their lives.
THYRA [Scared]: Is . . . Is that why you brought me here?
CLYSTRA: Oh, no child. I wanted you to see some of this lovely world of ours. Have no fear. You are still too young. But don’t be surprised if you catch people looking at you with lust in their eyes. For you are very beautiful. But come, I have some people to meet in the market square.
[Break]
THYRA: They have all done so much work for this . . . May-day.
CLYSTRA: Yes. Of course! They are celebrating the complete end of winter. A banishing of the dark, cold days. A welcoming of warmth and light and life. You see there. All those people grouping together.
THYRA: Those men and women?
CLYSTRA: Yes. They are looking to work the fields, to be hired by farmers for pay and hard labor. To earn their keep, but also grow. Grow in themselves and grow what they are making. Be they crops or fledgling animals. They are playing a part in the growth of life. The great circle of life. They will work long and hard through the summer and then into the autumn. And then, come next festival. Samhain. They will celebrate the end of the summer, the approach of the dark and the cold once more. But also all the crops and food and stock they have reaped and stored.
THYRA: It’s . . . [softly] Beautiful.
CLYSTRA: Isn’t it just? And now I must talk with these women. Stay close. It is busy here. I do not want to lose you.
I held on to her skirt as she led me across the square, slicing left and right between market stalls like a great scythe. And then she reached the women, who greeted her with respect and joy. I was introduced and bowed and said my words, and then turned to focus on the thriving life going on around me.
A smile blossomed on my face. It was all so . . . Wondrous.
And then I saw the girl. Across the way. She was looking at me . . ?
Yes! I was sure.
Her eyes were focused on me, burning in my direction. The smile on her face was a lot like mine. In my heart I felt a new warmth I had not beheld before.
I had attained a great amount of skill before I took a life. Many years had passed: some had taken long, were harsh and painstaking; others went by seemingly within the blink of an eye, though perhaps such a statement should not be uttered when concerning magic, for perhaps if I had asked this boon of Clýstra – to make a significant amount of time pass within the literal blinking of an eye – she might possibly do it just to reveal there were no limits to her many abilities. Though I cannot begin to fathom the amount of power and life it would be require.
But I am changing my topics. This story was not to be about Clýstra, but about me, as all these stories should be; at least that is my hope, for if I am to truly regain all my powers, I will have to be both painfully and brutally honest in my telling, as much as it may pain me. I feel it is only in that way that I may truly be restored to my former glory.
[Break]
Clýstra had instructed me very specifically and repeatedly. This is a magic of taking; always taking. There is the taking from inorganic material – rocks, dirt, water, air, which are in fortunate abundance on the planet of Albion, but also do not give the sorceress much power to work with. If you are solely using inorganic material, great volumes of it will be necessary to successfully complete most spells, unless they be very simple ones. When power and life is taken from a living entity, the amount is many fold but always comes at a cost. To take from plants and trees and flowers withers and desiccates them, leaving them dried up and most importantly dead. There is no coming back from this; no further power can be gained. No vitality remains. There is nothing left but to cast it into the wind.
Clýstra was incessantly clear on this and drove the harsh reality into me for many a year, often making me repeat it back to her, explain it, come up with examples to prove I fully understood what was being done here and the gravitas of it all.
There was also a third choice for the acquiring and use of power, but one that should only be used as a last resort, when no other option remained. Clýstra did not teach me of this third way until I was considerably older, so I could fully comprehend what this decision would be and its significant consequences. She only taught it to me once, perhaps believing I would not remember and therefore never use it. Only if extremely necessary, when one has no inorganic or living material to derive power from, one can extract it from oneself. The same rules apply. The same costs apply. If you take some essence from yourself, you will naturally feel weaker and less able because of it. The more you do this, the weaker you will become. And if you take too much . . . You will die.
Undeniably.
Lesson quickly learned.
[Break]
I took my first life when I was ten. A very young kitten. I found it all alone in a bush. It’s mum and siblings had abandoned it. It looked sickly and frail, even for a kitten. I have lived with animals ever since Clýstra took me in. Cats, dogs, chickens, ducks, geese, cows, pigs. They have surrounded me and been part of me for all of my life it seems. I have helped the birthing of many an animal babe, and know what a healthy creature looks like . . . And an unhealthy one. This kitten was very much unhealthy, destined to soon pass and leave this world. But I was ten, and even though I knew deep inside of me that this was all part of life and that animals were meant to die as part of the great cycle of Albion life, I wanted to do something.
I wanted to try and save the creature’s life.
I knew it was not meant to be. Deep within. I had learned much already from Clýstra and knew of the rules and the balance of nature and life, but I was still a ten-year-old girl. I wanted to do something. Seeing this helpless creature affected me greatly, made my insides feel like slime and bad things that wanted to leave my body.
I put my knees upon the ground, and my hands gently upon the kitten’s quivering body. It’s heartbeat was faint and oh so slow for one so small. I could feel so much beneath my fingers and palms, just as Clýstra had taught me. The soft, downy fur almost like thin tickling feathers. The warm skin beneath, pulsing with life giving blood. Beneath, the fragile ribcage and bones, so tender and weak. All too seldom there was a slight rising and falling, as a frail breath was taken in and exhaled. The kitten didn’t have long left.
I closed my eyes and concentrated, and tried to give the pathetic creature some of my life, my living, my existence, and keep it alive. I thought it would require some of my energy, would make me give it away and weaken me, but I thought it would not be much, for I was a human many times greater in size to this frail feline.
I felt something happen, grew tense with excitement. I held my breath, trying to freeze my body in place, and also be ready for a weakening in my form. But it never came . . . The opposite happened. That’s when I knew something had gone wrong.
Terribly wrong.
I felt life flow into me, imbue my body with strength and excitation; I felt both incredibly light and incredibly powerful. As if I had just had many a night’s sleep and a filling, wholesome meal, and was prepared to do anything I chose. I felt . . . Limitless.
I opened my eyes, then took my hands away from the kitten, folding them again my chest in a gesture of protection.
I gasped.
[GASP – couple takes]
Where my fingers and palms had been touching the creature, the fur had now turned a sickly yellowish-white. My small fingers clearly outlined. It was haunting. It was not necessary for me to place my hands back upon the creature in hopes of finding that weak heartbeat and forced breath. I knew its life, its essence was gone . . . For I had taken it. All.
It was dead.
That was when the tears came and then the sobbing.
Clýstra came to me. She could have been cross with me. Perhaps she should have, but she was not. She took me in her arms and brought me back to the house. She held me for as long as I needed. I cried and sobbed and bled my tears until I felt there was no moisture left within me. The dry heaves came next, and then I was finally done.
She sat me on her fur-skin sofa and put her arm around my shoulders.
She spoke in a soft and kind voice:
CLYSTRA: Why did you do such a thing?
THYRA
[young girl voice]
: I wanted to keep it alive. To give it some of my life. My essence. So it would live.
CLYSTRA: Did you not think of the cost to your own life?
THYRA: Yes, but I thought it would only take a little. A little I felt I could spare.
CLYSTRA: Very well girl. But sadly this type of magic is something that can never be done by a sorceress. We can only take, but never give . . .
THYRA [Shock]: What?!
CLYSTRA: Ours is a magic of taking life and energy from other matter, be they organic or not, but we can never give back that energy. We can never put it back within a life-form. It can only be taken away, removed. And once that is done there is no turning back.
I scrunched up my face and became angry.
THYRA: I hate this magic. It is silly. It is mean. It makes me feel . . . Helpless.
CLYSTRA: Yes child. These are all feelings I and many other sorceresses have felt before. Perhaps all of them have at one point or another. But it is the way of the magic of the Circé, and it is also its failing. It cannot be changed or altered or improved. It simply . . . Is.
That was when the tears came again, and I discovered I did have more water to shed from my body. Clystra took me into her arms once more; it was not long before I fell into slumberland.
I never knew my mother . . . Or father. Least not when I was older. As a newborn bundle they were there, helping me, supporting me, nurturing me. And then they were gone. Gone from my life. Gone from this world. Their bodies were never found. No one knew anything.
As for me, a babe of just six months, I was rescued by a very special woman. Clýstra was her name. She was old when I was still very young. When I grew to my teens, and over-teens, she was older, but did not seem so. She appeared just as I remembered her when I was fifteen, ten, and five. But I knew before five that she possessed a special gift, a gift she chose to impart to me.
For she was a great sorceress.
A Circé.
[Break]
She came upon me in a setting that bares more than a passing resemblance to a quaint tale out of a very old book. I lay wrapped in a swaddling blanket in my wicker crib, studying the intricacies of my toes and their ability to move independently, as if they were their very own tiny little creatures. It made me giggle endlessly. My giggles grew louder when I discovered I could in fact reach these little toes and my face grew shocked when I learned they were part of me.
You are perchance wondering how I could recall a moment in such detail from a very young age; how the mind does not begin to keep and maintain thoughts and memories such as these until a few years greater in age. Let me elucidate and by the same token reveal the awesome power of the incredible Clýstra.
On the day she performed this complicated spell, I had no idea what her plans were. She had told me nothing, but let me stew in my wandering thoughts. I merely watched her as she assembled her articles. Picking up certain rocks from various baskets in her storehouse and assembling them in a crude pyramid before me. Then accumulating a number of sticks and twigs which she carefully lined up against the rocks, all seeming to come to a tapered point.
CLYSTRA: Wait here
Then she stepped outside her home. She was gone for but a few moments, and returned with a gorgeous vibrant green rose, the burgundy leaves framing the exotic color of the flower. The fact that this rose’s color was the same as my eyes was not missed by me, especially since Clýstra has told me this myriad times over my years. I knew then that this was certainly something involving my person. I grew nervous.
She delicately placed the flower on the rickety scaffolding of sticks and rocks. I thought it would all come tumbling down, like Eggy-Freddy, and it did but tremble for a second, like an insect about to take flight, and then held.
CLYSTRA: Are you ready?
I gave her a look that said I knew not at all. She nodded in acceptance and began.
[Break]
Her legs folded beneath her and seemed to disappear. Clýstra held up her hands, palms out, as if she were absorbing warmth from a fire. Eyes closed, she was concentrating.
I watched and learned.
Something happened, but I didn’t know what. It seemed like nothing, but then I saw we were no longer where we’d been.
Now inside a thatch house, sitting in the same position, Clýstra before me, sitting just the same. Except . . . We were not alone. I was able to immediately know this by the sound of a child . . . A very young child. I turned my head to see a wicker crib in a corner of the hut. From my angle of view I could not see who was in the crib, though the noises made it clear it was a babe. Then I saw wriggling hands and feet reaching and kicking out until they came in contact with each other. I couldn’t close my eyes; I couldn’t blink. Those tiny limbs, so soft and pure and innocent. I was mesmerized. Entranced. Hypnotized.
CLYSTRA: That’s you
How is that possible?
CLYSTRA: We have traveled. Through time. To the past. In a short while someone will walk through the door . . .
“You?” I ask in wonder.
CLYSTRA: Yes. You catch on quick, girl. And this is the day I found you.
THYRA
[hopeful]
: So you know what happened to my parents?
CLYSTRA: Sadly, no, my dear. I tried. I tried very hard. I used spells. All the ones that might work. And I talked to many and all. No one had answer or even a clue. One day they were there, taking care of you. The next they were gone.
I wanted to move on. Not talk about this still fresh and open wound.
THYRA: How have we traveled in time?
CLYSTRA: We do not have long, so I will be terse. You know the essence of magic is in the life of things, be they organic or not. Living or lifeless. The stones I chose because they are equal to those in this hut.
I can’t help asking:
THYRA: you remember the exact stones?
CLYSTRA: I remember everything I see, because I have to. Because it is a focal part of the craft. Because it is a requirement and a tool of the sorceress. A tenet of the Circé. I took a little from each stone. The stones and rocks of Albion are almost as ancient as the planet itself. I only need a little time, so I was very sparing with each stone. If you examine them, you may notice a new scratch; a small nick; nothing more. The more essence you take, the greater toll it takes on the object.
Hearing this, my eyes returned to the grouping of magic items and I gasped. The sticks were no longer there. Gone. But no . . . There were small piles of wood dust around the rocks. They’d been converted to oh so tiny pieces. The cost of the spell. The sacrifice. I could also see the rocks now, and Clýstra was right. While I had not paid much attention to them before. I could see a visible white scratch on one, a scratch that looked fresh. On another a small piece was absent, as if it had been deftly cut away, or dropped onto a sharp edge.
I looked for the last ingredient to the spell, and for some time could not find it. The lovely, vibrant, green rose. There was no greenery to be found anywhere on the floor between us. Then I did see a blackened, shriveled piece of something . . . A small discarded banana skin that has been left for days to the elements. It was barely a husk; a nothing; a no longer. Something that could never come back and be the beautiful thing it once was.
The greatest cost . . . The highest toll had been on the rose, which did not exist anymore. All its life essence subtracted . . . Removed . . . withdrawn.
This was an important lesson for me. One I would never forget.
Clýstra said nothing during this time, knowing that what I was seeing was teaching me far more than any service words could perform.
Then the thatch door opened on the thatch hut and in walked another Clýstra more than a decade younger, although she did not look much changed from the one kneeling before. Perhaps a few less wrinkles, more black to her hair, and a brighter light in her eyes.
I pulled myself to the side, attempting to cower before this new person, hoping to hide myself.
The Clýstra from my time snorted at this.
CLYSTRA: She cannot see us.
I understood this response, but had trouble accepting it.
The younger Clýstra walked through the old woman, then through me, over to the child. She began cooing at the babe, and it made sounds at her. She bent down and picked up the child, putting her over her shoulder.
The babe’s head was turned towards me; her face looking at me, and I looked back.
Then the child began to fade; grow transparent. As did the younger Clýstra, and then so too did the hut.
I looked quickly to my Clýstra and was immediately relieved to see her solid and corporeal.
Then the thatch hut vanished, like a flicker at the corner of my vision, and we were back in her stockroom.
I let out a deep breath . . . A breath from the past, from a different moment in time, perchance?
But then are not all breaths when taken in, expelled at a different moment in time?
For time is always moving forward, whether we want it to or not.
I turned to Clýstra and saw her looking at me, as if waiting for a question. And then I had it.
THYRA: How do you know what ingredients to use in a spell like this?
CLYSTRA: That is the correct question and an easy answer: I do not. I know much about the objects of the world. Those living, and those that are not. But for conducting spells, there are no books that tell you step by step what to do, like a recipe for cooking a favorite dish. It is all about . . . What the spell is; what it is for . . . And who it is for. I knew I wanted to take the two of us back to this moment in time. I knew the stones that would be required and how much time we needed to travel in to the past. I knew the amount of life energy that would be required from past experience. And I knew the element that linked to you specifically would have to be very strong and potent. I only have one more of those rare green roses left on the bush in my orchard. I know not if more will bloom, or if the plant may die. Magic is all about tolls on life. The role of the sorceress, the Circé, is to know the toll, and to confidently know whether that toll is truly worth it.
The world and planet I’ve called home since my birth is named Albion. It is a swirling concoction of islands large and small. Some wear great lakes like strange, ill-formed birthmarks; others tiny ponds and pools like moles. Upon them are patches of hair . . . Forests of deep and thick green. Hills and mountains, like strange protrusions and skin formations. You see, to me . . . Albion is a living thing. An entity. I have heard the Earth called as such before. Gaia. Albion truly was alive. Is alive. I assume it to still be so.
I hope it to be.
I have not returned. Since I was taken.
Taken to Ostium.
[Break]
Albion has been in existence for a very long time. Perhaps its time can be measured by those who know more of these ways . . . Scientists . . . Priests . . . Circé . . .
Like I once was . . .
How it was made is an interesting one, and the tale I’m choosing to share with you today. Not in its entirety. That would take a long, long time. But by end, you will ken somewhat of how Albion came to be.
The great goddess of all, Asifá . . . Goddess of the entire universe and all it contains, has existed for a very long time. Hundreds and thousands of times that of Albion’s living. Throughout her long and tumultuous being she has spawned many offspring. Female and male; those that are both; those that are neither; and those that are gradations of the in-between. Some she birthed with male gods; others she birthed with female gods. Sometimes she mated with male and female gods and they in turn birthed her offspring themselves. Sometimes there was no other god involved, just the mighty Asifá, choosing her destiny, her consequences, and what will come next in the universe.
[Short pause]
On this special day, in a very ancient time, she choses to create Albion. She choses two of her male offspring. They are very beautiful. They have never met. She brings them together in a part of blackness somewhat close to a giant sun that will grant them heat and energy to thrive. They know not why they’ve been brought here or what they will do. Brutá and Hasafá are their names. When they gaze upon each other for the first time there is a conflicting duality of emotions: envy . . . and desire.
Envy, for each sees the great and godly beauty and perfection of the other.
Desire, for each immediately lusts after that godly beauty and perfection and wants to partake and possess of it.
And so begins a powerful relationship filled with moments of lust and love for each other, but also moments of anger and violence. Asifá allows them to exist like this for an eon, solidifying their need and want for each other so they will never feel the need to part. Then she encloses them in a flexible, malleable ball . . . an ensnaring core to contain them. Around the core she manufactures a mantle, pulling particles and particulates from the far reaches of space and bringing them together, forcing and condensing them into a thick layer . . . A chewy insulation around the core.
Asifá dreams of the wonderful world this will become with its wide variety of plants and animals and diverse peoples and she is brought to tears by the thought. The tears of the goddess fall and soon form the ocean encompassing the entire planet of Albion.
Asifá picks an assuming large moon orbiting a dead planet and cracks it between her fingers. The pieces of moon crash onto the planet in all shapes and sizes, creating worldwide tidal waves. And thus the islands – both large and small – are made and fertilized, for Asifá’s tears contain not just water, but the very building blocks of life.
And so life begins blooming and growing and reproducing and spawning on Albion. But it still remains a very flat and unassuming planet, until Brutá and Hasafá have their first argument, their first fight, and their first battle. It is violent, perceived as unrequited by each of them. Brutá slams into the side of the rubbery core first, his elbows pushing against it . . . two new mountains form. Hasafá is next, colliding headfirst and creating a new and mighty mountain range. The duel rages on, creating cracks and new shapes on the surface on the planet.
The first, few simple creatures are unable to comprehend the intense earthquakes they are experiencing.
But time passes, and like all things, this fight comes to an end. Brutá and Hasafá resolve their issues, their differences, and fall in love with each other all over again. Then a further period of physical world building begins; a result of their lovemaking. New hills and mounds are formed on the islands until the two gods are eventually sated, and then Albion enters a period of peace and quiet for a number of eons.
Life takes advantage of the abundance of resources on the planet and the quietude. It flourishes and multiplies and evolves.
Asifá has done what she wanted. Completed her task. She moves on to other matters.
Maybe . . . Maybe one day she will return and peak in on the ongoing state of her creation. But for now, Albion is on its own.
Life on the planet increases further in numbers, constantly evolving; adapting to the conditions, as well as changing when those conditions change. People have now evolved and do their best to live alongside the diverse fauna and flora. At times it is a harsh world, very much survival of the fittest; at others it is a thriving one where there is harmony.
Brutá and Hasafá appear to have reached a peaceful coexistence, enjoying each other’s constant company and interaction. Other than occasional rumblings and tremors – a sure sign that the couple is getting along very well indeed – the ground remains quiet. There are, of course, those naysayers – there always are – who decry that one day the battle between the two gods at the center of the world will begin once again, that it will be the battle to end all battles and only result in the complete destruction and obliteration of Albion. Those few in number will continue to proclaim their doom and gloom, while everyone else does their best to ignore them. One day, these prophesies may come to pass; no one truly completely doubts it; but it is far, far in the very distant future.
For a very long time, Albion exists in the very splendor and beauty that the great Asifá originally envisioned when she began creating the planet.
And this is the short rendering of how the world of Albion came to be.
The only world that I have truly ever known.
[Break]
My tale is done. For now. For whomever’s ears wish to hear. There will be more. Many more. In time I will tell you more of my world. Of the lovely Albion. Of its people. Its incredible creatures. Its vibrant and diverse life. I will tell you of my life. My existence. My likes and dislikes. My haves and have-nots. My hates, and my loves. My conquerings and my failures.
Do not expect these tales to be lined up neatly like a marching gaggle of geese headed towards the pond. My powers returning through the stories I tell does not mean my mind is assembled and well arranged. In time you will understand much that I have been through. Tomorrow I may tell a tale of my birth, followed by a story of my later years, and continuing a few days later with a tale of childhood. If I am to regain my powers, it will by whatever means I am able.
And I will . . . eventually . . . tell you of the love of my life. The woman whose face I see when I wake in the morning and go to sleep at night. Who I believe is still alive, hale and hearty, and awaiting my return.
Awaiting me.
One day I believe it shall happen.
My dear Pragma.
But for now, I will take comfort in the small blossoming heat I feel in my chest. It is where I keep my love. It is also where I keep my magic. I have not felt this heat – in any sense – in a very long time.
This is good.
It means this telling of tales is working.
It means I now have hope . . .
Hope to regain my powers. And hope to one day be returned to my love . . .
Darkness takes many forms. Some may be friendly, others vicious, spiteful, vindictive, malicious. Trust of the darkness needs to be earned, never given. Never handed over without question. Never left without regard, like a powerful talisman that one cannot live without, and yet gets overlooked, forgotten, abandoned without foreknowledge, and then regretted later.
So regretted.
[Break]
Leave your magical powers at the door. Where you’re going you won’t be needing them anymore. Whether you desire them or not, they will be taken from you. Stripped from you. A lump of flesh excised. Without your consent.
All for the greater . . . [Spit out this word] Good!
Whether it tears you up inside; percolates your guts so that only the nerve endings and the nerves themselves remain, to be strummed like lyre strings, stretched and twisted, until they fray and break and all you can do is scream.
And scream. And scream. And scream!
Until there’s no voice left. Until the vocal chords feel like those lyre strings and your mouth is just open and there’s just hot air coming out . . . but no sound.
And then . . . And then! You find someone. A something. An itty bitty widdle fing that can just be taken care of. Poof! Gone. Just like that. And then everything will be better . . . Peaches and cream . . . Tea and biscuits . . . Cookies and coffee . . . Blood and guts . . . Because I want to end him. Make him not be and never was. Make him inevitably obsolete. So I do. I try. I get him. Drag him through my hole . . . The one I made to that other place.
I took many people. Many delicious, wriggling figgity giblets, but t’weren’t enough. No no no. And then . . . And then! They were all gone. All eaten up. Lick my lips clean. And then some more came. Strong ones. Powerful ones. And then I found him. The one I’d met before. With the other. He who was . . . Special. He who was . . . [sigh] . . . Molecularly inclined to here . . . To [Word said with distaste] Ostium. Like they shared a melange of DNA and magic, all smoothied together. So . . . So . . . So! I knew he could help. Help me. Help me! Perchance. Permaybe. Perpossibly. Per . . . Hopefully.
And I reached. And reached. And scratched. And reached. And clawed. And reached. And tore and reached. And he . . . Zapped me. With his magicks. His mysteries. And they hurt. They singed. They burned. They pained. So . . . Like a delicate feline, I watched and waited and when he least expected, I pounced! Got him! And in he came to my word. My refuge. My sanctuary. My prison. My asylum. My oubliette. And I took him to my place. To prepare him. To tenderize him. To fatten him up for the oven!
But when I came back he had another of them with him. She . . . She! She evaded me. As she has before when I have sent my own magicks after her, to catch her. And this time they worked together.
Symbiosis.
And it hurt. Again.
So much hurt.
All the time.
[Childish quiet voice] Why me?
And then . . . And then . . . And then! It got much stronger. The burning. The screaming. The . . . Paaaaiiiinnnn.
And everything became dark. A good dark. A faithful dark. A friendly dark. A dark in which I could sleep and not worry. Not fear.
So I rested.
[PAUSE]
And ripped into light and awake and conscious and screaming. But not I this time, but another . . . Her. The one who dealt the hurt before with him. She wanted him. She had lost him and wanted him back. He was on the other side. In that [Again hate of saying the word] Ostium.
But . . . I . . . Wasn’t . . . There anymore. I was . . . Outside. Free. To be free. To be wild. Just like a child.
It has been . . . Is . . . Will have been . . . so long. To a real light. A real world. Not a filtered, artificial, confabulated, contrived, constructed thing.
[In a whisper] Pure.
But then she pointed that thing at me again. I knew what pain it could inflict from whence it came. I hissed at it. [Hissing sound]
Did as she asked. With what little I had left of my essence. I didn’t want no more pain. No more suffering. No more agony. Even if it would end things for me. So I did as she asked. Opening a little cabinet for her to crawl through. She didn’t care where, cared not when. One, done and gone.
And then I put my head to ground again. Letting the dirt and stones form a pillow for brain and body.
Moments later I am shouted back to consciousness by a [petulant] very loud man.
It is him. That one. Not the one that caused me all that trouble, but the other. The one I chased in my realm . . . And he evaded me. The little brat. And now cometh the moment of my comeuppance, until he reveals an object I’ve become all too familiar with. The little weapon of such malicious intent. The one she had that hurt horrendously.
STEVE: Oy! What happened here?
He spakes words that meaneth little to me.
STEVE: What are you bloody saying, you old hag! Where are Jake and Monica?
Could he be talking about those no longer with us? Perchance tis true. I’ve witnessed this one on his lonely self, and with the other him. And I have seen the other him with her. Goes to show they should all be within voice range and friend range, no?
STEVE: I repeat: [yelling] WHERE ARE THEY?
THYRA:: They . . . Left . . . Of their own accord . . .
STEVE: You what?
THYRA:: They have passed on to the hinterlands . . .
STEVE: Speak bloody English . . . [exasperated] please!
THYRA:: What did you call him? [Getting louder each time name is said] Jake . . . Jake . . . JAKE! Yes. He . . . He chose not to join us in this lovely little place . . With the big pointy mountain. He chose to stay on the . . . Other side.
STEVE: What? Jake? He didn’t come back?
THYRA: Nay sir! I think he liked it better there. Methinks at least.
STEVE: Why? Why would he? He wanted back. I know he did. You must’ve done something, you foul crone.
THYRA:
[breath]
No . . . No . . . NO! They brought me to my freedom. They brought me to this side. After they bested me. I . . . I . . . I was but a patsy, a scapegoat, a dog with its tail betwixt its legs.
STEVE:
[grunts of disbelief]
Uh . . . Uhm . . . What about Monica then? What about my bloody mum?
THYRA:
[with confidence]
Oh, really? Your mater she be? How [relishing the word] interesting. I suppose I should’ve been one to spot it. You are both much alike in stature, visage . . . And weapon.
STEVE: You mean the gun?
THYRA: Aye. It be why I am so subject to your whims at this very moment.
STEVE: So where’s Monica then?
THYRA: She pointed that at me and demanded I grant her passage to the back and beyond . . .
STEVE: She . . . She made you open a door? An ostium?
THYRA: A foul word for a foul thing. But essentially . . . Yes.
STEVE: Why? Why! Why would she do that?
THYRA: You ask moi? Why would I have a clue? An inkling? An iota?
STEVE: Because you were here! With her!
THYRA: As I have made it perfectly clear to you, wastrel, I know naught. But if you would like me to infer a little . . . I believe she went back because of that man. Because she couldn’t stop herself. Because . . . She loves him.
STEVE: What do you bloody know of love?
[Short pause]
THYRA
[emotional]
: Her name was . . . Pragma. She was . . . My heart. My essence. My reality . . . My everything. And then . . . [starting to cry] then I was taken from her. Snatched away like a tiny purse of great value, never to be seen again. She had no . . . She has no idea that I still live. That I wait. That I pine for her. Every day. Every second. Wanting. Wishing. Hoping. All . . . To no avail . . .
[Short pause]
STEVE: Look . . . I’m . . . I’m sorry, alright? That was a bit far and I didn’t really mean it. You said Jake and Monica brought you here?
THYRA
[quietly]
: Yes.
STEVE: Okay. They must’ve had their reasons. You’ve . . . You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you?
THYRA
[quietly]
: Yes.
STEVE: You’ve been in that place . . . In the margins of Ostium for a long time, haven’t you?
THYRA
[quietly]
: Yes.
STEVE: You were taken. Kidnapped? Against your will?
I look into his dark eyes.
THYRA:
[strong/fury]
: Yes.
STEVE: Maybe you should tell me the story. It might help?
THYRA
[deep breath]
: Not. Now. I need rest and respite. This plot of earth looks just right. Nice and cozy and cushy.
STEVE: Now, come off it. That’s not how we treat guests here at the Ostium Network.
I attempt to cleave him asunder with mine eyes.
STEVE: Let me help you, and I’ll get you into a warm, comfortable bed and you can sleep as long as you need to.
I flinch like a bitten animal when he touches me. He is gentle and careful. I respect that and with his aid am carried to some sort of contraption with wheels. I don’t discover its means of propulsion, for my head is down on the seat and I am already in slumberland.
[PAUSE]
I awaken to the smell of food and sustenance. I feel I have slept for a long time. I have not slept for a long time in . . . To be redundant, a very long time. The fates have kept me at bay, never letting me rest. Or eat. Or perhaps breathe for that matter.
I drag myself from the unconscious, pulling myself up and out of the comforting bed and its warm, welcoming blankets.
STEVE
[from a distance]
: Oh, you’re awake. Welcome to the land of the living. Would you like a shower?
THYRA: I know not what that word means.
STEVE: I suppose that’s one way to say it. Erm . . . Would you like to . . . Bathe? Understand that?
THYRA: Cleanse myself?
STEVE: That’s it. Right on. Would you? And after that you can have some nosh.
The mere thought seems both abhorrent and enticing to me.
THYRA: I have done nothing I used to do while in the lands of Ostium. No sleep, no consuming of food, no cleansing. They are all foreign and almost forgotten to me. I have but the barest . . . Recollection of doing each of them.
STEVE: Well then, perhaps a bit T.M.I. there. I found a nice dressing gown you can use.
THYRA: A robe . . . To clothe myself?
STEVE: Erm, yeah. You’ve probably been wearing . . . That for donkey’s years, right?
THYRA: I do not understand the question, but I comprehend the insinuation. Understood.
I give him a minor bow and step into the room of washing, closing the door behind me. It is an alien action, manually closing a THYRAl, but then I suppose this one merely connects rooms and not worlds and dimensions of space and time . . .
The hot water, once I have fathomed the operation of the instrument, is pleasurably divine. The soaps and liquids I apply to my body and hair sweet smelling and rejuvenating. I feel a smile touch my lips for the first moment in eons. Then I remember Pragma and all that came after leaving her. I remember it all. Again. And again. And begin the heavy, peristaltic weeping. Again.
Fortunately, the warm water is indiscriminate, cleansing both the dirt and soil from my form, as well as the tears.
But the agony of sadness remains.
It will always remain.
[Short pause]
The sustenance is foreign and strange, but smacks of the new and enticing. I consume everything before me, unsure of what I am eating. The food is filling a hole, replenishing a void I wasn’t completely aware of until now. It is a very enjoyable experience, mated with the washing, bringing an overall feeling of euphoria to my being.
I have not felt such since . . . Pragma.
STEVE: Looks like you were bloody hungry then. No surprising, really. Being cooped up in that horrible place for so long. So . . . You ready to tell your story then? Spill the beans?
I look at him quizzically, sizing him up. Bring myself to the decision as to whether he is truly prepared to know me and my own.
THYRA: I will give you a single bean . . .
STEVE: Erm, that’s not exactly what I meant.
THYRA: I was once the most powerful sorceress in my realm.
STEVE: Seriously?
I do not deign to dignify the one word question with a response.
STEVE: You are being serious then. Wait a minute, you said you were?
THYRA: Yes. One of the Circé. Until I was ripped from my place of refuge, absconded with and taken this place of Ostium.
STEVE: Who took you?
THYRA
[breath]
: I am unable to answer that question at this moment in time. All my power is . . . now gone . . .
STEVE: All of it?
THYRA: Aye. The last thimble-full was spent opening that small doorway for her.
STEVE: My mum?
THYRA: Aye.
STEVE: So you’ve got nothing left is what you’re saying?
THYRA: What I am proclaiming is that my powers have been spent and now need to be reconstituted . . . Reaccumulated . . . Regrown into my form.
STEVE: Wow. Really? That’s how it works then?
THYRA: Undoubtedly.
STEVE: And how exactly do you do that?
I give him a devilish smile then, showing some teeth. His frozen look satisfies my intentions.
THYRA: I must tell my story. My [drag word out] history. From beginning to end, of all that has happened to me, and by me. Relive it through my words. Only in that way will I become regain and become powerful once again.
STEVE: Gotcha. Didn’t know words were that strong.
I give him a withering look this time.
THYRA: Words are the most powerful. At my pinnacle I could do anything with words and control all.
STEVE: Right. So you need to tell your story. Can it be to anyone? To me? Or can you just be talking to a brick wall?
I frown for a moment, then understand.
THYRA: There must be a listener; someone on the receiving end, be they human or beast.
STEVE: Human or beast . . . Okay then. What about this?
He raises a strange black rectangular contraption that appears electronic in nature.
THYRA: What. Is. That?
STEVE: This is my recording device. I use it to make my own recordings of everything going on here, everything happening to me. Telling my own story, essentially. And it all gets recorded here and broadcast to the world via the Internet.
THYRA: There are many words of what you just said that mean nothing to me.
STEVE: Fair enough. With this device many others hear my story.
THYRA
[devilishly hopeful]
: Indeed.
STEVE: Yeah, thought you’d like that once you understood it all. So here’s what we’re going to do: you keep noshing and I’ll get you one and get your sorted with your own apartment. Sound good?
THYRA
[awkwardly saying word]
: A-part-ment?
STEVE: Yeah, a place to sleep and eat. Your . . . Your new home. Essentially. Yeah?
THYRA
[awe]
: My. Own. Home.
STEVE: Yeah. Nifty, huh? So enjoy the rest of you tea and brekkies and I’ll be back in a jiffy.
[PAUSE]
The man is gone some time and I do as he has asked, enjoying more food and the quiet of my solitude in this new and refreshing abode. Then he returns with a device for me. It is identical to his and he shows me how to use it by touching certain points on the glass screen. I do not fully comprehend it. It almost seems a magic of sorts, but if it does as he says, this would be a great boon to me.
Then he escorts me to my new place of residence. It is also identical to his.
STEVE: Tomorrow we’ll have a look around and see if we can find you some clothes that fit. Okay?
I utter two words that I have not spoken in a very long time.
They taste foreign on my lips.
THYRA: Thank. You.
STEVE: No problem. Oh, and I don’t think we really introduced ourselves, did we. I’m Steve. And your name is?
It takes me a long moment to summon the name from my past, another word that has not been uttered in far too long.
THYRA: Thýra.
STEVE: Thýra? That’s a pretty name. Okay. I’ll leave you to it then and I’ll check on you in the morning then. Okay?
THYRA: Thank you. Steve.
STEVE: You’re very welcome, love.
He turns to leave and I think of something to encourage him.
THYRA: Steve . . . Jake and Monica . . . They will return here. Eventually. It may take time. Perchance long. But they will be back.
STEVE: I thought you weren’t able to do that sort of thing anymore?
THYRA: It is a different ability to that which I must regrow and regain. This is part of me always. And I know it to be true: they will return.
STEVE: Thanks for that. Really appreciated. Cheerio.
Then he is gone and it feels like he may never have been, but I can feel his aura leaving this place and returning to his own.
I sit upon the bed where I will soon rest and sleep again. But first I will tell a story. One small tale to begin the rebirth of my magic.
After touching the screen as I’ve been instructed, I begin to speak the words and feel their shapes on my lips.
I feel something else too. I bring my fingers to my mouth and realize it is a smile.
Hi everyone, Steve here. Just wanted to give a little foreword to these recordings you’re about to listen to because . . . Well, they’re unlike anything I’ve ever heard before. They’re just . . . Incredible. Thyra’s story is definitely a moving one, but enough about that. It occurred to me that these recordings might be received by someone who hasn’t had a chance to listen to all the Ostium recordings yet, or perhaps doesn’t have access to them for some reason. I don’t know how it all works, it’s like a foreign language to me. All I know is the recordings are being sent out from here, the Ostium Network, to there . . . Wherever there is, and wherever you are listening to this right now.
So I wanted to give you a bit of an introduction to get you up to speed, so to speak. All you really need to know is at the end of the last Ostium recording, Jake and Monica are lost behind the many doors of Ostium. Whether they’ll ever make it back I simply don’t know, and I’m trying my best not to think of that right now, because . . . Well, it’s bloody depressing. And I suppose a question one could ask oneself is if we’ll ever get any future recordings from either Jake or Monica which will clue us in to what’s going on with them.
But that’s another thought for another time. The first recording which you’ll be hearing about Thyra and the Circe is . . . The prologue . . . Yeah, the prologue. And that takes place right after Jake and Monica up and disappeared and Thyra found herself in the Ostium Network for the first time. And for clarification the Ostium Network is basically . . . The entire town of Gibraltar that’s been ripped out of its usual place and stuck in another plane of existence. Yeah, I’m not going to go into too much detail, if you want to learn more just start listening to the Ostium recordings.
Suffice to say Thyra’s here now and she doesn’t have any . . . Well, you know what, why don’t I just shut my gob and let her tell her story.
Hope this helped a bit and enjoy the story of the Circe . . .
Ta-ta.
Welcome to Episode Five of Writing Walks. I’m your guide, Alex C. Telander. It is February 6th, 2020, 8:52 AM. And today I am at Spring Lake Regional Park.
Today I’m going to be talking about firstly writing goals and then a little later writing situations, and then I’ll be ending it up with a recommendation. Writing goals is a hefty subject; carries a lot of baggage. So the first point I think I want to make about writing goals is you should really only come up with writing goals if they’re going to work for you. You can definitely try them out for a first time and along the way, earlier on, middle way through if you find out they’re not really working for you at all, it’s fine just to abandon them and try something else or not go with it at all. But I feel when one sets writing goals, one can feel pressured and stressed by them. And for some people that works well; I work pretty well with deadlines and goals to shoot for, and I want to do them, but for some other people, it can just be more stressful. And then you mull over it and think about it and worry about it to the point where you’re focusing more on worrying about the goal than actually doing any writing. And instead you just procrastinate and do something else.
So If you haven’t done anything goal-oriented before like that, you can try it out, but, um, don’t feel bad if you can’t stick to it, or if it doesn’t work for you. There are a million different ways of working your writing, of applying structure and deadlines and goals to your writing, but there’s a million different ways for a reason and that’s because they don’t all work for everyone. Different things work for different people. Over the last like five to ten years I’ve been doing usually at the beginning of the year in January, setting myself writing goals.
I remember when I first started kind of doing it, I’d set myself – that was was when I had a blog too – I’d set myself lofty goals, like four or five big goals to shoot for the year. And then by the end of the year, as time was running out and I’d start getting stressed out about it because I had maybe one or two of those goals done and the other ones just weren’t going to happen. And it was a learning process. That’s another thing with writing goals too, is that it might work for you, but it might not work quite in the way you first did it. So you can adapt it each time to suit your needs. And that’s what I’ve learned over the years of doing it is just giving myself not too much to do. You can set it up where you have just a few goals to shoot for, and then you can have a few bonus items. So that way, if you do get through your goals, you got some extra things to do. There is something to be said when you complete that goal, that first item off the list; it does feel great. Feel a thrill, feel a sense of accomplishment and you feel encouraged to keep on going and go on to the next one and that you’re, you’re making headway. And that’s the thing with writing is you always feel like you need to make headway. That you need to keep going; that you have something that you’re shooting for because you want to see results. And it can be a tricky thing with writing because the writing might not be coming out the way you want it to, or you might be forcing it, or you might not just find that you have the idea you thought you did. And that could definitely be discouraging along the way.
I have found that I need to be in the right frame of mind to do certain projects so I can have that writing goal, But I’ll usually set like all my writing goals for the year. So it won’t be like, I need to have this writing goal done, but February or March, um, if there’s A deadline coming up for that specific goal that I need to have and I’ll do it that way. But for the most part, if it’s just something I want to achieve for that year, I’ll just say by the end of the year, I want to have it done. If I get it done by March or April, that’s awesome. That’s out the way. And then it can be within the next one, but I don’t want to force an idea for a deadline on myself that I might not be ready for.
I have found that stories and ideas sometimes need to percolate in my mind, or I’ll have the idea and I might want to start writing the story right away. But at other times I can feel it’s not quite ready yet, that I haven’t fully developed it. And that’s when I’ll need to just give it time; a week, a month, whatever it takes, kind of, um, even if it means going on walks and, and developing it more in my head, I’ll need to give it that bit of time. So that way when it’s ready, that’s when I can sit down and start writing because otherwise I’ll be forcing the idea and it won’t come out the way I want it to. It will become some different, which can sometimes be good. But for the most part, it’s not the idea originally wanted. So that’s why I want to give myself time. And that’s why I feel it is important to set yourself goals and possibly deadlines that work for you.
Over the last few years, I haven’t really done goals so much because I’ve just been so busy with various podcasts, mainly with Ostium and just different things going on. And it’s been a case where I’ve had to rearrange constantly and adapt. Um, this last week I’d set myself kind of my ongoing schedule for the week, for the rest of the year, of what I was going to do each day. Cause I have Ostium to work with and other podcast projects; I have my novel I want to work on. Um, so I set it for this week, all with the goal of starting it this week and plans changed. Things changed in my life. Uh, I ended up working late one day. I was exhausted after that. Couldn’t do the work that night. Uh, now recently the last few days I’ve had a deadline thing come up that I’m gonna be working on today. So that’s going to change what I want to do today.
One thing I’ve learned over the years as a writer is that you don’t have to take things so seriously; don’t take it to heart too much. And this definitely applies to writing goals. This week I’ve basically thrown that schedule out that made for the week, but I am fully confident next week, barring any unexpected events, I’ll go straight back to that schedule and try and stick to it the best I can for the rest of the year. It’s okay change and adapt and customize your writing goals and your plans for yourself and for specific projects. And it’s okay halfway through the year to acknowledge this one item on the goal list you aren’t going to do this year. You aren’t going to hit that goal you want, or you’re just not ready for it yet. You don’t want to do it. You can strike it off the list, just add it to the following year or something like that.
Down the road, you do have to acknowledge whether the goals are helping you or not. To look at them from an outside view, a third person perspective and see: are they working for you? Are they helping you write more? Are they encouraging you to write, are they encouraging you to keep going? Are they making you excited about writing and wanting to keep coming back to it? I feel if any of these are pretty much a hard no, then writing goals maybe aren’t for you and that’s fine; then you can come up with a different system. Nothing’s set in stone. The world and media is full of people, telling other people what to do. And that’s All the more common in writing with people telling other people, whether they’re writers or not, whether they should be writing.
One of the more common questions you get author events is, after the, the author is introducing and talking about their new novel, one of the early . . . well, first question will be, where do you get your ideas from? And the next question is, what’s your next book you’re working on? And 99% of the time that author does have another book that they are working on because books get published further down the road, way after they’ve been finished. But the author’s mindset is all in that current book. So they’re kind pissed off I think by being asked, what’s your next book? What are you doing next? What’s your next thing going on? And it’s definitely a thing that happens a lot with writers, where people are always questioning them and telling them what they should be doing and how they should be doing it, whether they’re writers or not, whether you should be writing every day, all these different things.
And again, for some people they might like that, that might work for them to encourage them. Instead of writing goals, they like being told by people what they should be doing. And it helps them. I don’t know if I know of anyone like that, but I guess there’s someone out there probably that will work for them. But it’s all just talk. Don’t let it get to you. Be the writer you want to be. Write the way you want to write. This novel could take you a year or two years. It could take you 20, 30 years. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise; it’s what you want to make it. It’s what you want to be. And you’re going to do it your way. Cause that’s your own unique way that no one has ever done before.
So writing goals, if you haven’t done them before, give them a shot. I’d recommend starting small first, depending on what sort of projects you’ve got coming up, uh, I’d say maybe two, maximum three. I can remember a past year doing like, I want to get five chapters done and four short stories and something else done over here. And it was like, I got one short story down and like one chapter. So really I recommend starting small and Hey, next year, if it worked out well and you get everything, you can add a little more on for it. But that way, when you hit your goals, you’ll feel much better than getting to the end of the year and having only half or a quarter of that list done. So start small, two or three goals, and like I said, set up some bonus goals so that way if you do get through them all, you got some other stuff you want to work on, because there’s nothing that really beats that feel of hitting that goal, finishing that project, and being able to call it done. It’s a great unique feeling that mainly writers just get to feel, when you finished your writing project.
Now writing situations, this might cross a little over into writing spaces, but this came to me when I was thinking about how whenever it’s cold and raining I love the idea of sitting with a hot cup of tea and either reading or more importantly, writing. On the idea of sitting at my computer, listening to the rain outside, being able to look outside, but being nice and warm inside and writing. That’s . . . I feel like that’s my kind of ideal writing weather. And maybe if I lived further north, north of California, and more of the Pacific Northwest, I’d be able to experience that environment more. But right now it is, what are we in the beginning of February? And I’ve got crystal blue skies above me and a hot sun of my back. And that’s pretty much normal weather for this time of year here.
So I like the idea of writing when it’s raining. It seems like the place I always want to be and usually when I’m thinking and it’s because I’m out working somewhere in the rain, but I don’t make that a requirement of my writing in any way. Same thing for when you want to write in certain situations, you only want to write at certain times a day or in certain places; if you can set those up for you easily . . . set them up for yourself easily, then that’s good. And that’ll encourage you to get more into the writing theme, the writing routine. But if it’s something that you have to either wait for, like if I were to wait for the next time it’s going to rain before I write again, it could be weeks. I have no idea when it’s going to rain again. And it also could be on a day when I’m working so I won’t be able to write cause I’m working then. So don’t let that hinder you. Don’t let that hold you back from writing is what I’m trying to say. I’d love to be able to write in the rain when it’s raining, but I don’t always get the chance to, and I’m not going to let that stop me from writing when I want to write. I’m going to write in any condition, sun, sleet or snow, Not that it ever snows here. But you can’t just wait for the right circumstances to happen. Whether it is your writing space or your writing condition; your writing situation; if your computer that you’re using, your laptop is updating Windows or updating something and it’s not going to be ready for four hours. So you’re like, well, I’m not going to write now. There’s other ways you can write, you can use your tablet, you can use a phone, you can use pen and paper. You can just sit and think, you can go take a walk and think about writing. That will all work, but don’t let the crux of wanting this situation, this condition, hold you back from writing. Because once you start doing that, the more you do it, the more you’re going to fall into that routine; the less you’re going to write and the less you’re going to want to write. And you really want the opposite of that.
Set your writing goals and your writing plan up without these conditions and these settings. Do it so you’ll just write wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, so that it gets done. Don’t think about what the ephemera of your writing situation is. Just think about the actual writing and doing it.
My recommendation for this week is the “Witcher” book series by Andrzej Sapkowski. This is off of the, well, it came out before the hit Netflix show “The Witcher,” which is very entertaining. I really enjoyed it, just powering through all those episodes. And I started reading the books and they’re really engaging. It’s your epic fantasy style thing with dwarves and elves and humans, good and bad and magic, but it also feels quite different. The author is Polish, so they’re all translated. And I did the, uh, audio book versions and the audio reader does a really good job of giving accents to people and just differentiating everyone and really giving a feel of the world. So I think the translation is really good. And then the audio book reader that I have is really good.
But the books feel a little different because the author is Eastern European. There’s definitely a political and sociological feel with Eastern Europe, with, um, the use of certain words, “pogrom” is one that comes up quite a few times; a sense of communism, a sense of bad things happening, and no one being able to do anything about it. It’s just a different kind of mindset and feel to it that you don’t really get as much in regular Western fantasy. Thinking of like, you know, classic Lord of the rings, Robert Jordan, those types of things. So I really recommend the audio books. They’re really fun. The stories are good. Different things happen that you wouldn’t get in your usual fantasy. The way it’s set up, it’s kind of interesting, there’s I think it’s a four or five . . . think it’s a five book, like kind of main arc series. And they’re named book one, two, three, four, five, but there are also three kind of short story collections. The way I did it was the first two short story collections came out first, then it was the five books series, and then it was one more short story collection. I ended up reading all three short story collections first, and that I think really helped just to give me a feel for the world, all the different characters, what the Witcher was like, and all that sort of stuff, uh, for the TV series too, they pull stories from the first two short story collections. So I’d recommend starting with those and then moving on to the kind of arc series. That’s what I’ve been doing now and it’s really good. That’s the Witcher series by Andrzej Sapkowski. I did hear that the print versions are all out of print. I think they’re reprinting them, but they’ve all sold out, but maybe by the time this comes out, it’ll be more available and you should be able to get the audio books and definitely the audio. I mean, sorry. You should be able to get the audio books and the e-books.
All right. I think that wraps it up for today’s Writing Walks. Thank you once again for joining me. If you enjoy the show, please tell your friends. You’d like to write a review, that’d be greatly appreciated, on iTunes or wherever you can write podcast reviews. And if you’d like to support the show in any way, I do have a KoFi linked to my Twitter account @bookbanter, or you can also support me on Patreon. I’m also posting photos of all my Writing Walks I take; I post them on my Instagram and also on the Patreon account. And if you’d like to start supporting me on Patreon and talking about writing or anything like that, I’d be happy to engage with you and try different things on Patreon. Thanks again for listening. And I’ll see you next time.
Welcome to Writing Walks. I’m your guide, Alex C. Telander. Today it is December 10th. It’s about 8:30 in the morning and I’m at the Armstrong Redwoods State Park.
Over the last few weeks we’ve had a number of days of heavy rainfall. So the ground is going to be all squishy, sounding a little different to the usual walking sounds I think today today. Today I’m going to be talking about writing about or writing through catastrophic events, hard events that affect your life, how you kind of work through it, how you process it and how you can use it in a way, as a writer. I live in Sonoma County and over the last three years we’ve had fires every October. Three years ago there was the Tubbs fire, which came through Santa Rosa, destroyed a good part of the surrounding town. I wasn’t personally affected cause I live further south, I was okay fortunately, but my father-in-law, they got real close to losing everything. It stopped like a block away from where they live. Then my coworker, part of the wall in the apartment complex where he lives got burned and they had to move out for a bit. And then we had to deal with the weeks after of smoke, the immense loss of property for all these people whose lives had changed. And it all happened overnight with these high winds. It was just so fast. We found out about it in the morning from my, sister-in-law. She lives on the East coast, asking if we were being evacuated or not. We didn’t even know what was going on. It was kinda like when 911 happened too, because it was all in the morning and I was still, we were still asleep at that point. Just finding out that the whole world has changed.
And two years ago it was the Camp Fire, near Paradise, California, that just wiped out the entire town. This was hours north of me. So again, I wasn’t affected specifically or personally. But again my wife’s uncle, he was literally about to move up there to his new house in a few weeks and moved a lot of stuff up there. And he lost everything that was up there. Again for the weeks after, because the wind’s blowing south, we had to deal with smoke. It was actually, uh, so bad. I found with my son, he was coughing a lot during that time and then getting really sick and not able to sleep through the night for going on for months, uh, not having a good night’s sleep and it was starting to affect his moods and everything. And after seeing a number of doctors, he eventually had his adenoids taken out and ear tubes put in and then was able to sleep a lot better through the night and not cough, but we’re pretty sure it was directly influenced by the smoke from the fires. And then this year, six weeks ago, just about, a little more than that. We had the Kincade fire a little north of us. Again, we were kind of ready for possible evacuation, but we were far out of the way, so it wasn’t that bad. We were pretty sure it wasn’t going to happen to us, but my father-in-law and his family again were evacuated. Just to be sure again, we had to deal with the smoke for the weeks afterwards.
I hadn’t realized, I think, how much it affected me, cause I hadn’t actually lost anything specific. I hadn’t lost my home or my place of work or things like that. Nothing had been burned down, but as soon as I could smell the smoke that first day, it was a definite trigger for me with all the emotions, feelings, and everything it was tied to. You tell yourself, Oh, you’re, you’re over it. You’re past it now, it’s okay. You’ve processed it. And you just hope it never happens again. And then all you need is that little bit of smoke to smell and it just brings it all back.
This particular fire I was actually even more affected because the town where I work and deliver mail, they got evacuated, the power got cut off. And so we had to work at a different facility for a few days. And then eventually when they got power back, we were delivering back in the town and it took a number of days to catch up. Also, thanks to a poorly thought out plan by PG&E we lost power. So I was actually without power for five days. And that’s one of those things that was really horrible at the time but at least now looking back on it, I can think about what I kind of learned from it. It was a harsh experience discovering that at night when the machines aren’t on, the lamps, fridge, all these things that you have on in your house all the time, how much heat they actually give. You don’t realize. So at night it got really cold and we didn’t have any other option other than adding more blankets. We couldn’t turn a heater on to make the room warmer. My kid missed a week of school again this year as he has the last couple of years, all because of these fires; it’s almost seeming like they should start just planning on losing a week in October due to fires from now on.
But what I take away from this as a writer are my feelings, are the experiences, what I see from everyone else. As well as what I felt, how we all processed it. Thinking of details. All my senses and how I was picking up on all these different things. I can remember the, actually the, one of the first few days with this year’s fire. And, uh, I was taking my kid to school. Because it was early in the morning it was dark. We could actually still see part of the fire on top of the hill and it was really far away, so it was no worry or anything like that. But because it was at night, it was like lit up like this bright torch, definitely started a lot of feelings in me of fear and things that I’d never really had before until we started getting these fires. So obviously when you have, when you experience a catastrophic event, a life-changing event, at the time you need to deal with it how you can, you need to get the help you need. You need to rest and recuperate and recover. And then once time’s gone by, as a writer, you can think how you can use the experience in your writing, by writing characters, stories that are possibly just the same story you experienced or they’re being experienced in different ways, more subtle ways because of what you went through.
There’s going to be a crossover episode in season five of Ostium with the show Starless, which was a short run show. It had a few episodes, but unfortunately with the creator, her life just took over and she was only able to spend so much time with it. But when I asked if she wanted to do a crossover episode she was happy to, but because it’s a world, kind of post-apocalyptic world where fires have ravaged everything and everything’s changed. She felt she couldn’t do it justice because she hadn’t really gone through all the experiences. But after suggesting the crossover episode, I felt it was an ideal crossover because I had experienced so much of this. And it definitely felt cathartic, poignant, and important to be able to put these feelings into Jake, these experiences, and have him talk about what he’d gone through in the crossover episode. And that’ll be happening. sometime later in the year after this episode is released, of Writing Walks.
Another moment in my life I wanted to talk about that was a strong one that I can never forget, was when I was about 12 or 13, I want to say, And we heard this dog that was crying out. We could tell it was in pain because you can always tell when animals are in pain. And when we went to check it, it was the neighbor’s dog. The dog had – just to let you know going to be a little bit graphic here – the dog had tried to jump over the gate and it was the kind of gate that had these spikes on top. And he basically caught himself on one of those spikes. Fortunately it hadn’t gone through anything too serious. It was through the back of his rear leg. But he was just stuck there hanging basically. But my dad and I, and some of the neighbors, all came together and helped. And we ended up lifting the dog up. Eventually a vet came too and was able to numb him up a bit and were able to lift him off of the, we actually knocked him out actually, as I recall, and then we were able to lift the dog off of the gate, get him all stitched up. And then a few weeks later he was back to normal. Apparently too the neighbor told us that he tried to do it again. But I think at that point they’d protected the gate better so it wasn’t going to happen.
But just going through that, I think especially as a teenager or younger person, I really remember it strongly. The feelings of the weight of the dog, feeling the fear in him, but also the understanding that he knew what we were doing, that we were helping him, but also the visceral nature of it: his hot flesh, the fur, the panting, the hot blood I had on my hands from him. It’s all stuff I took in at the time. And I thought I was going to write a quick story about it, that was just literally that same story, but I never really did anything with it. It didn’t come out the way I wanted it. And I think I was just being too literal about it, too close to what the actual event was. But it’s an experience that I’ve always kept with me. And so when I write other scenes that I want to be visceral, I’m able to pull from these experiences and use that in my writing.
This actually ties in nicely with the writing topic I wanted to talk about today. Wasn’t planned, just worked out well that way, which is the old adage of writing what you know. There’s a lot of pros and cons mixed up with this. Definitely think there are some pros. So the idea is that you can only write what you’ve actually experienced and gone through because otherwise you can’t do it properly. You can’t give it justice. So you shouldn’t try. But if that was true, and if all writers in the history of writing had done that, nothing good would have been written. A lot of us lead mundane lives. We don’t get to experience exciting, different things. And so if that’s all we’re writing about, stories wouldn’t be compelling and interesting, and there wouldn’t be any good literature in the world. So it’s not really true.
You should write what you don’t know. You should challenge yourself. You should push yourself. Write about a character you’ve never written before. Write about a character of the opposite sex, of a different gender, of a non-gender. Challenge yourself and push yourself. Because in that way, you’ll become better. Just like practicing anything else. The more you do it, the better you get at it. But if you’re just doing the same thing over and over and over, you won’t get better. You’ve got to do it in new ways, in different ways. That’s why they always recommend also reading as a writer and reading different things, because it opens your mind to different ways of writing and different approaches.
Now, the pros of it, as in the positives of writing what you know, comes from kind of what I talked about here today, where while I did not personally lose a house in the fire and go through all that, I got to experience a lot of things associated with it. Same thing with the dog story, where I was not the dog suffering, being stuck on that gate, obviously, but I got to experience it in different ways and go through the rescue. And it’s all part of experiences that we pull from and use in our writing, whether it is directly with the same experience, the same events happening, or through different ones. And that you can use the experiences of these past events to charge and embolden and strengthen this new experience that you haven’t done before, but you’re doing through your character. So if anyone ever tells you as a writer, that you should just write what you know, tell them to go to hell.
But it’s also a yes and no answer. You take what you know, but you also write new stuff and challenge yourself. And in that way, you’ll certainly become a better writer. You’ll become a better storyteller and a better person in learning from it. It also helps after doing that, if you have, or know some people, who have gone through either these exact experiences or similar ones, to let them read over it to see if it resonates on the right level. Not everyone has that opportunity, but if you do, it’s definitely recommended.
So now we’re going to talk about my recommendation for this week, and that is “Changeling” by Victor LaValle. I had it recommended to me, uh, kind of during the Halloween season. I was wanting some horror books from, uh, Jamieson Ridenhour of the Palimpsest Podcast. And it’s a story about a couple that gets together and gets married and then has a kid and reading it as a parent it was definitely very moving and emotional because the author had obviously gone through a similar thing with having kids. And I actually did contact the author afterwards just to see. And he had, he did have kids too, and was pulling a lot of from that, so it’s a lot of, uh, writing what you know, and writing from your experiences. And in that way, it hit me as a reader who was also a parent on a lot of levels. So the couple has a kid, but then weird things start to happen. It seems like someone’s either watching them while watching the kid and knows their every move and what’s going on. The couple grows distant as they’re getting less and less sleep. And it seems like something’s going wrong with the mother. Graphic warning here for the next events, if you want to skip ahead. Um, what ends up happening is the mother kills the child because she says it is not her baby. It is something else. And you think at this point that you’re on the father’s side, seeing it through his eyes, that she’s just gone mad and just killed the child. Your child. But then the story starts to open up. Becomes more complex and you find out there’s a whole history and mythology involved here that ties in really well with the town they’re in as well. And it becomes a much bigger encompassing book that you never thought it could have become when you started reading it at the beginning. Since then, I’ve actually read A number of Victor LaValle’s books. And I just enjoy everything he does. He reminds me of another favorite author of mine, Haruki Murakami, where the stories are always fascinating and you can never predict where it’s going to go. But what you do know is it’s going to be a crazy ride. And that’s definitely the case with Lavalle where this story, I thought it was going to go one way and it didn’t, and then went into a totally new place I didn’t expect to go. But because I had been grounded and started off with these familiar experiences and emotions, I was hooked on for the ride and was able to go to these places of the fantastical, because I’d been grounded already. And I’ve talked about this before in writing and storytelling of grounding readers in the familiar, and then taking them to the surreal and the seemingly impossible. Because if you just start out right away with confusing, unbelievable stuff, the reader easily becomes lost. And you, you just don’t get connected with the story.
So that’s my recommendation. It’s a dark horror fantasy book that is really worth the read, but it definitely has some very strong, moving scenes that you can see coming and then they actually do happen. And they’re just shocking, but there’s a reason behind everything. And by the end of the book, things work out and they work out well and correctly and satisfyingly, which is not always true for a lot of books. Definitely a lot horror books that kind of drop it on the ending but this one definitely delivers. So again, that’s “Changeling” by Victor LaValle. And if you enjoy that one, read all his other ones too. They’re great.
I think his other big book was, uh, it was like a novella, that did well called The Ballad of Black Tom. That was also a really fun read. All right. I think that about wraps it up for this episode. Thank you once again, for joining me here at Armstrong Redwoods, actually one thing I failed to mention earlier, I was going to, that, uh, when I’d thought about recording this episode, I was possibly going to try to go to one of the spots near where the Tubbs Fire from 2017 happened. Just as a place of resonance. Ooh, they’ve cut some branches down here. Wonder if this tree branch must’ve fallen, kind of blocking the way. Like around one of the houses or areas. Um, but that didn’t feel right. I was just going to be intruding and it doesn’t resonate right with the story I wanted to tell. So instead I came here to Armstrong Redwoods, which is a state park as opposed to a regional park. Hey, morning. And the reason I picked it is because it’s my favorite park I’ve ever been to. I’ve taken my kid here a number of times, I’ve been here with my family. And it’s just an awesome, amazing place where I get to walk around and stare at these giant trees. These majestic redwoods, just sitting here and growing and living for thousands of years while the rest of the world goes on around them. It’s my place of solitude and calm and inspiration. Whenever I want to take a break from everything, to just bask in the beauty of nature here, that’s why we’ve been doing it a lot with my kid too, get him to enjoy nature. And he certainly does.
Anyway, so thanks again for listening. Be sure to check out all the photos I’ll be posting along with this episode from Armstrong Redwoods. If you enjoyed the show and would like to support it, feel free to leave a review, tell your friends about it, tell your writing group, your writing buddies. And if you want to actually support us monetarily, I have a KoFi linked to my account or there is a Patreon which is developing and if it’s something that gets up and going pretty well, I’d be happy to do different writing things on there. And that’s again, tied into the, my account. So you can find it all on the description for this episode.
Thanks again for joining me and I’ll see you next month.
It is 8:16 October 14th today. I am at the North Sonoma Mountain Regional Park. This is Writing Walks. I’m your guide Alex C. Telander. Squirrels all around me, running through the trees and playing around. Beautiful early morning. I haven’t been to this park before, so make sure I don’t get lost. Stick to the trails. When I took my kid to school this morning there was fog everywhere. It was really thick and heavy, and just felt like it was covering the whole county. I watched Sleepy Hollow this last weekend, it reminded me a lot of that. So I thought when I was headed towards this regional park here, it was going to be all foggy and photos were going to be that great. And it was going to be really creepy and hard to see stuff. Deer I keep seeing everywhere too, on the drive up, let’s see a couple of deer now just walking around. But then once I got to a certain elevation, the fog just disappeared. It was like going through a fog doorway and it just ended. And there was the bright morning sun. Everything was beautifully clear. Got turkeys everywhere too. It’s like all of nature’s up and awake this morning, doing stuff. And now they’re running away. Man, it feels like I’m in a Lord of the Rings set here.
Today I’ve got two kind of topics to talk about as usual. I tend to make one more personal about me and the other one more general to writing and how I’ve kind of interpreted the advice and used it to improve my own writing, but I realized when I picked the two topics for today, they kind of work well for both. They’re both bits of writing advice and suggestions, but they also have a lot of personal stuff for me in it because of how I’ve used it over the years. Giant Redwoods all around me. So the two topics are why reading is important for writing and the other one’s going to be about writing spaces.
Why is reading important for writing? I’ve heard a couple of good anecdotes. Well, one’s a quote from Stephen King, from his book On Writing, really fantastic book with advice on writing. It’s actually a pretty short book. And half of the book is actually his kind of biography about growing up and becoming a writer and getting through all that. And then the second half is his writing advice. So it’s even shorter that really it’s like a hundred pages, but it’s really good stuff. One of the quotes that’s always taken from it and shared everywhere. It’s about how important reading is for writing. So the quote is: “If you don’t read, you don’t have the tools or the talent to write.” Another anecdote I’ve heard about how important reading is for writing, I got, unsurprisingly, off the Write Now Podcast from Sarah Rhea Werner. I’m pretty sure she probably got it from somewhere else. I seem to remember her mentioning from someone, but I just don’t remember who. Anyway the anecdote was for in relation to why reading is important to writing. And the anecdote is like saying, is that a chef doesn’t need to eat different kinds of foods and try different things and just stick with making the same thing over and over and over again. A chef needs to try different stuff, different kinds of foods, different cultures of foods, to know how to make different things, how to make new things, how to keep himself fresh in what he or she is making. And the same thing goes for reading, with writing. With reading you learn new words all the time. You learn new ways of crafting a sentence, of paragraph format, of how to structure a book, or if it’s a short story, how to do different viewpoints, how do you use flashback scenes, how to use dream sequences. Every writer’s trying to do something new every time they write, and when it gets published and you get to read that, it gives you the chance to discover that new way of doing something. A little spark, an idea, or a way of writing a story you want to write, or even possibly helping a project you’ve been working on or been stuck with. You can start something off that you never would’ve expected if you hadn’t read this particular story or book.
For me personally, with reading, I can pretty much remember when I started, it was around when I was 13, I’d been a C average student in school. I was doing okay basically, barely average, just squeaking by and I wasn’t reading at all. And then my teacher introduced me to an author named Willard Price. I think I might’ve mentioned him before. Yeah, in the second episode, I think, and starting those books just opened a whole new world for me of an interesting adventure. And that got me into reading. So once I was done with those books, I looked for more and I kept finding new authors and new genres and trying new things, actually down the road, I got into audiobooks and it opened up a whole new world for me and in, so doing it made my reading comprehension go through the roof, of course, but also it led me to start writing and becoming a writer. Here’s a fact: I’ve been reading constantly since I started reading when I was 13. I’m now 40 years old. I’ve never had a moment where I wasn’t reading something or about to start reading something. I’ve always been reading a book or multiple books instead. I think that’s pretty cool. And I also can’t imagine myself not reading. I enjoy it so much. I enjoy getting lost in a book and just forgetting where I am or the world I’m in for the moment and getting lost in the world of that story. And I know every time I’m reading, it’s making me a better writer. It’s making me a better reader. It’s making me comprehend the language more, learn new things about language and structure and how to write.
When I think back about what I was taught about writing in high school and even in college too, I know your basic, you know, subject, noun, verb structure and things like that, but a lot of the more complex sentences and jargon of that and how it’s phrased and wording and all that stuff, I really don’t know. I don’t know the technical term for everything that one would learn in basic English language classes. And that’s because I’ve learned it all through reading. I can tell you when a sentence is wrong and how it’s wrong. I can’t give you the specific term for what’s not being used correctly or how it’s being used and why it’s wrong, but I’ll know when a sentence is wrong or when a tense is wrong or how it needs to be fixed. They say that you have to know the rules to be able to break them. And that is true in writing, you can’t break a rule necessarily to have the wrong tense or the wrong phrasing, if it’s just wrong. But if you know the rule and how it works, you can bend it and mold it to fit whatever story you’re trying to tell, whatever sentence you’re trying to make.
Sometimes you can just break the rules too really. If you have a specific character or story structure that makes it so the reader understands what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. But again, you have to know all the rules and how it works to be able to bend and then possibly break them. And you can take bunches of English classes and learn all the technical stuff. Or you can just read; just read whatever you want. Stories, books, fiction, nonfiction, the more you read the better. And if you’re up for trying different genres that you’ve never consider yourself reading, that’s a good thing too, because you’ll learn something new out of it. Whether it might work for your story now or not, it doesn’t matter. You’ll learn from it. And it will be inside you. Part of your toolbox for writing. You’ll have it put away like a small little screwdriver that you think you’ll never need. And then one day you’ll be working on that story or project. And you’ll have this little thing, this little moment in the story, you’ll want to do something special with it, craft in some way, that’ll make it really stand out. And that’s when you’ll reach back in your mind and pull out that tiny screwdriver that you thought you’d never need and it’ll fit just right. And you’ll craft your sentence just right. You’ll make something unique and special that only you did.
And that’s why reading is important for writing. Plus, it’s a lot of fun. As I said, I love reading stories, going to places I never could have imagined.
So let’s move on to the other topic, which is writing spaces. I know there are websites out there and articles and books on writing spaces, on the spaces that many famous writers had over the centuries. They used to make me feel jealous, honestly, seeing Stephen King’s writing space or Joyce Carol Oates or William Faulkner, or, you know, any other author’s; this awesome middle cocoon they’d made themselves of books and a table and whatever writing implement they used, whether it was a pile of paper and a pen or old manual typewriter or a fancy computer setup. Because they’re famous writers and they get to do what they love to do and get paid full-time for it, which is awesome. But it’s not always something us writers who are trying to make it can do. We don’t necessarily live in a place, an apartment, a house, a room we share, where we can set up a huge writing space like that and make it ideal. It might just barely be a nook, a table, a dorm room table. That’s all you have to use. But I think here you can kind of borrow a little from the reading part I was talking about earlier and imagine your space as being this little cocoon. It can be very tiny if you need to be, but it’s your space that you make for your writing. It can be an elaborate office, but it can also be just the edge of a couch.
Writing spaces are good. They’re good to have. If you can. It’s good to have a place that you can say, this is where I write. And it’s time for me to write tonight or this morning or right now, so I’m going to take whatever I write with pen, paper, laptop, iPad, tablet, even your phone, and go sit in that writing space and write. Cause by making it a writing space that you use solely for that purpose, the more you do it, the more the routine you get into it, the more then you’ll be able to say, okay, it’s time to write now. And you go into that space and it’s a headspace to cause you’re mentally go in there. Just by sitting there it’ll like cause a change to happen and just set you into writing mode Again, the key is that there’s a routine about it, a habit, you do it over and over so that you get used to it.
I’ve had some really nice writing spaces in my time. When I was living with my mother-in-law many decades ago. Well, a couple of decades ago, not that long ago, um, in her house, I remember it was over the summer and it was this little breakfast nook off of the kitchen that wasn’t really being used. So that was great. I could set up my desktop computer there. I had it all set permanently for that summer and was able to just kind of go to it every day as needed and just write away there with windows looking out on the street below and being able to just enjoy my little space there with the research books I needed. I remember the book I was working on there. It was a historical fiction work called Wyrd, which is old English/Anglo-Saxon for fate. And that book is probably about a third done now, still sitting there waiting to get finished. It’s a kind of retelling of the Arthurian myth, but much more in historical context and less than a fantastical one. And I can remember where it left off with the Anglo-Saxons arriving and meeting with Arthur and the people around him. And it just ended with a big kind of celebration party that night in the mead hall they’d built there with Hengist and Horsa. And then it ended with Arthur leaving in the morning. Actually I call him Arturus in the book, because of his background and coming from, uh, the Near East kind of, Byzantium and that area. And he’d just taken, I can’t remember if it’s Hengist’s or Hosa’s daughter, Rowena. She’d gone willingly too. And I’m pretty sure that’s the last scene I wrote. And for 10, maybe 15 years now, it’s been waiting to get more scenes written. One day I hope to get back to it. Anyway, so that was that little writing nook and you can see there by that little space, how much I attached to it with this novel I was working on.
I can remember another nook I had in a apartment we had, which we moved out of an old place to a newer place. Cause it was a two bedroom bigger space for, I think a little less in price. Wasn’t as nice for the neighborhood though. But that’s actually where my cat ended up getting run over. So it’s not great association for that place, but that second bedroom, which we ended up actually renting out to a friend who had come on really hard times and had nowhere to live. So we let her live there for a year or whil,e six months. Um, anyway, before that it was a office, it was a library. We had all our bookcases in there and books everywhere. And I had a table that looked out the window out onto the pool below I think it was, but it was this awesome writing space, but I don’t have any associations with that one because I can barely remember writing in there. I can’t remember writing on anything specific there. I think I used it a bit, but not as much as I could because I think with work being stressful and hard, not being in such a nice area, going through a lot of stuff, I wasn’t as creative then and I didn’t use it as much. And yet here I had this perfect idyllic writing space like you’d see in any of these books on author writing spaces. So I think that kind of says a lot where I have two different spaces here, which are kind of great, but one was really well used and full of creativity and life. Whereas the other one, which definitely would have been considered better than the other one than the original one. Um, it was barely used. It was lacking and we ended up using that room for a roommate who needed it at the time. And I don’t think I felt that bad about it. She enjoyed also being surrounded by books and sleeping in there. But then I think about writing Ostium, which I’ve been doing now for the last three, four, five years, is it? Four years? Maybe five. And I think about, Oh, what’s my writing space for that. And I don’t really have one. It has been the end of the couch. It’s been the kitchen table. It’s been random Starbucks or coffee places. It’s been wherever I had my laptop and made myself write. And it’s definitely taught me a good lesson that it’s great to have a wonderful writing space, but you got to use it. If you don’t use it, it’s just another room you can use for something else, but also anywhere it can be your writing space, clearly your writing space is in your head. It’s your mental writing space.
I could have brought my laptop or my tablet with me today and just sat on this hill and made it my writing space and written for an hour, even though I’m not going to come here every day to do it because it was a long uphill walk, but I could have if I wanted, because I could have mentally gone there as my writing space and started writing. Now I’ve actually in my condo, made a bit of a writing space again. Um, it’s actually where I do my recordings. I have my mic stuff there when I can set it up. Um, and it’s a table in my bedroom and I didn’t always want to leave being close to my wife when I was writing because she’d be working on her stuff and we’d be, at least be nearby. But now she kind of has her writing space where she goes into the kitchen at her desk or kitchen table there and works there. It works really well for her. When she sits down there, it switches over and she starts writing, and I was writing on the couch in the living room, but now I’ve kind of made a space up in the bedroom there cause I have a desk there and it’s again a good place where if I step in there and sit down with a laptop, I know I’m either going to record or I’m going to write.
So I’m definitely happy now I’ve got myself a writing space again. I won’t say that I definitely needed it because I was able to write wherever, but I’m happy. I’ve got it. I’m happy I’ve got a place I can call a writing space, that I’ve put up bits and pieces, some artwork, a card I got from a fan who wrote some really nice words about Ostium and my writing. I have a little things there that I’m adding to make it a more lived in writing space. Flock of geese flying by.
So here’s what I think you can take from writing spaces. If you have the space to create a writing nook for yourself, go ahead and do it. But the key is you got to use it. If you’re designating it as a writing nook, that’s what you got to do there. And then you got to use it. Whether it’s every day, every night, every other night, once a week, whatever it’s going to be, I’m going to write on these days at this time, and then you’re going to go to your writing nook and use it and use it just for that. But if you don’t have the opportunity to create a writing space, anywhere in your place, where you live, that’s fine too. You can create a mental writing space, whether it’s at the kitchen table, on the edge of the couch, on the bottom of the stairs, in a café, wherever it works for you, just occupy that space mentally as a writing space, tell yourself, this is where I’m going to do writing today. And once I sit down wherever that is. I’m going to write. By doing that, when you have times where you don’t want to write, but it’s your writing time and you make yourself do it, you’ll get some writing done. It might not be good. You might hate it. You might just want to delete it the next time. That’s fine. But the key I think is the routine. You keep doing it. You keep making your mental writing space and your physical writing space. If you can. And by doing that, you’ll have less times where you won’t want to write or less times where you’ll get really stuck and just want to stop writing for awhile. It’s like exercise. Some people really love going to the gym. I kinda like it. I try to go twice a week. It doesn’t always happen. Sometimes I go once. Sometimes I don’t go at all, but I know I’ve got to do it. And by doing it over and over and doing it as a routine, it becomes automatic that I feel bad when I don’t do it and that I should be doing it. And it makes it easier to actually go and do it each time. Writing is a job. Writing is work. It’s not a fun, easy thing to do. And just like anything else, that’s hard. Whether it’s a sport, a particular kind of game, you play. Your job. The only way you get better at it is by doing it over and over. So that means doing the writing. And that also means reading. Do lots of reading, do lots of writing, and then you’ll get better at it. I was thinking of talking a bit about balancing your time with reading and writing, which Sarah Werner has done in one of her episodes. But I think I’ll save that for another episode, with my thoughts on that.
So to sum up: you want to be a good writer. If you want to write well, read a lot, read all the time, read when you can, read on a break, read when commuting, and hey, audio books count. That’s reading: listen to a book, listen to a podcast even, it all counts as reading because you’re listening to creative works that way. And if you can create a writing space, make one in your place where you live and use it. That’s the key. If you’re not going to use it, don’t waste time on it. But if you can’t make a writing space, make a mental writing space and then switch over to it when it’s writing time and do it over and over, get it to a routine and then you’ll be writing regularly.
Wow, it’s really beautiful here. And that lake of fog is still hanging there. I think that about does it for this episode. Thanks for listening in. If you’d like to support me at all, I have a Kofi or the Patreon I’m working on, I’ll start putting photos and stuff up there too. Maybe some little writing pieces, but, uh, you can support me there. And again, this is separate from the Ostium Patreon. That all goes to Ostium. This one is just for me. So any support I get there, we’ll go for me, which I would really appreciate. Again, you can support at any level a dollar, two dollars. Um, I’ll have to check. I think I’ll set some levels on there too, for what you might get out of it. And if you’re interested in getting something out of what I can give you, what advice or writing advice I can give you or help, um, at certain levels, suggest that to me and I’ll see if I can accommodate you, but any, uh, any support is really appreciated. Thanks for listening. And I’ll see you in the next episode on Writing Walks. And the good news is the way back is all downhill.