EPISODE 47 – KANE AND FEELS TRANSCRIPT

KANE: On what I thought was going to be a relaxing Sunday afternoon was suddenly altered when Brutus Feels called me with some disturbing news.

FEELS: Lucifer, I’ve found a body. A body in the library.

KANE: Much like the murder mystery. I trust you will be instructing Hercule Poirot to investigate the scene?

FEELS [Exasperation]: What on earth are you talking about?

KANE: Is it alive?

FEELS: What?

KANE: The body, Feels. Is it alive or dead? It’s a simple question. Or perhaps it is something in between?

FEELS: God no. It’s alive. Definitely alive. 

KANE: So why then does this concern England’s finest paranormal investigators?

FEELS: Oh, yes, of course. Well, I searched the man’s pockets to see if I could find out who he is. And he had a lot of . . . Erm . . . Trinkets. 

KANE: What sort of trinkets?

FEELS: Erm . . . A small white rabbit, a yo-yo . . . A micro cassette . . . A small replica of the Space Needle.

KANE: Akin to the one in Seattle, Washington?

FEELS: Yes.

KANE: And do you have any idea of their significance?

FEELS: Oh no, not at all.

KANE: Again, I am forced to ask you: Why does it concern our . . . Concentration?

FEELS: Because each of those trinkets are giving off a strong ectoplasmic essence.

KANE: Feels, did you just make that up?

FEELS: Yes.

KANE: And what did you actually mean?

FEELS: They’re all giving off . . . For lack of a better word . . . Magic.

KANE [breath]: Very well. I’ll be right over. Which library?

[Beat]

FEELS: The British Library.

KANE: Ahh . . . .

[Break]

KANE: Feels is correct. Completely. From the moment I enter the small room, hidden within the deep depths of the world renowned institution known as the British Library, I can feel a powerful force being given off each of the trinkets Feels has laid out next to the prone man. I walk up to the body and examine him. He is calm. Breathing normally. His skin is warm, an acceptable temperature for a corporeal being. Nothing supernatural about him. But each of those trinkets is an enigma wrapped in a mystery. They exude a power and sense I have no felt before. All I know is that they are each very powerful. 

FEELS: Anything weird about him?

KANE: No. He appears perfectly normal. Alive and well. But the trinkets . . . Those are . . . What is the link between them all?

FEELS: I have no idea. My head hurts from thinking so hard about them, but I’ve got nothing.

KANE: Exactly. Because there is no link!

FEELS: Okay. So they’re completely random, and he’s  . . . Insane?

KANE: Possibly. We won’t know until he regains consciousness. But each trinket is an . . . Individual item. Unlike the other. From its own place. It’s own . . . World.

FEELS: World? How could you know that?

KANE: I’m not certain. But the sheer power being exuded from each item. I’ve never experienced anything like it. It’s as if . . . As if they’re talismans. Strong magical items. Possibly religious. Totemic.

FEELS: Powerful . . .

KANE: Yes. A level of power that can only come from another world. 

FEELS: So what’s our next move?

KANE: We wake him up.

[Break]

JAKE: Where the hell am I?

FEELS: It’s okay. You’re safe. Don’t worry.

JAKE: Am I in England?

KANE: Yes. The British Library in fact.

JAKE: The place where they keep a copy of the original Beowulf?

KANE: I believe so, yes.

JAKE: What am I doing here?

FEELS: That’s what we were hoping to learn from you. That’s why we woke you up.

JAKE: I . . . I was stepping through a door. I’m always stepping through a door it feels like. And it just all became too much. All of a sudden. I can’t remember the last time I slept. I keep going through worlds. Meeting complete strangers. Getting to know a little of their lives. Then I move on. After I get my little trinket. 

KANE: Ah yes, the trinkets.

JAKE: What are those doing out? Were you going through my pockets?

FEELS: Sorry. I was trying to find out who you are. 

[Pocketing sounds]

JAKE: Well, these are all very important to me. I can’t lose any of them.

KANE: Why? 

JAKE: Because I need every single one of them to get back.

FEELS: Back to where?

JAKE: Back to Ostium.

FEELS: And what’s in Ostium?

JAKE: It’s where this all started. And my hope is Monica will be there too.

FEELS: Who’s Monica?

JAKE: The love of my life. I have to find her. Otherwise there will be no point in making it back to Ostium.

[Break]

JAKE: So what is it you two do?

FEELS: Oh, we’re paranormal investigators.

JAKE: Paranormal . . . Seriously?

FEELS: Yes. Ghosts. Ghouls. Succubi. You name it, we’ve had to deal with it in some fashion or other.

JAKE: So you’re basically . . . Holmes and Watson, except with the supernatural.

[KANE and FEELS simultaneously]

KANE: Preposterous.

FEELS: Exactly.

[Awkward pause]

FEELS: Though I think sometimes it gets a little murky with who’s Holmes and who’s Watson.

JAKE: That’s kinda cool. I like that. Shake up the paradigm a little. 

KANE: Could we move on please. Why are those trinkets of yours so powerful?

JAKE: They’re powerful? You can tell?

KANE: Yes. They exude an . . . Ectoplasmic essence . . .

FEELS: But . . .

JAKE [Cutting off Feels]: Really? You can tell that? I guess you guys are the real deal. I always figured there was something special about them. I chose each one carefully. I could sense it was the right item. The right talisman to take along. Guess that explains it then. 

KANE: Could you possibly elaborate?

JAKE: I’m not sure. My thinking is each piece needs to be brought together back in Ostium and placed on the map table. And then whatever needs to happen to set things right will happen.

FEELS: I don’t know if that really explains anything . . .

JAKE: But I don’t know if it’s enough. Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s not. It’s why I need to find Monica. To bring her back to Ostium too. I have a feeling she’s got her own trinkets with her. And when we put them all together, then something will happen. At least that’s my plan.

FEELS: I still don’t really know what you’re talking about. At all.

JAKE: Well, my time draws nigh. I will have to be moving along soon.

KANE: Passing through your next door.

JAKE: Yes.

KANE: And I suppose you will need a trinket from our world?

JAKE: Yes.

FEELS: There’s lot of stuff in this room. Books obviously . . .

KANE: Brutus! Every item in this room is extremely valuable. Priceless!

JAKE: It’s okay. It’s not a book. I can tell. It’s . . . That right there. Grab that for me, will you.

FEELS: You mean this? What is it.

JAKE: The next trinket.

KANE: I will have you know that is a piece of the Sutton Hoo collection. Believed to be part of a belt buckle. Solid gold no less. And as I already mentioned: priceless!

JAKE: Sutton Hoo. I think I’ve heard of that. Don’t they have that gnarly mask? But I thought it was all in the British Museum?

KANE: Some items have been borrowed for study. Also, that particular item is not exuding any power like the other trinkets. Are you sure it is the correct one?

JAKE: Yeah. Pretty sure. Pass it along.

FEELS: Right. Here you go.

JAKE. Thank you. Yep it’s the right one.

KANE: Astonishing. Now I see the power coming off it. Once you touched it. You are a part of this, just as all those items are.

JAKE: Yeah. Looks that way. Thanks for your help, gents. Got to be moving on now. Good luck with the . . . Paranormal investigating. See you in another life.

[Door opening]

FEELS: Bye.

[Door closing]

FEELS: Well, that was odd, wasn’t it?

KANE: A veritable conundrum to be sure. Let’s get moving then, shall we?

FEELS: Why is that?

KANE: Because I don’t wish to be here when the stewards of the Library discover a prized piece of British history has gone missing.

FEELS: Right. Let’s use the door we didn’t come in though.

KANE: Good thinking.

[Door opening, closing.]